Updated: Sep 18, 2019
"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows
All of the other reindeer used to laugh and shout with glee
They never let poor Rudolph play in any reindeer games."
Have you ever felt like you were being prevented from happiness or success because of the actions or inaction of others?
This post is about learning how to focus on ‘BEFORE THE BECAUSE.’ If you know the Christmas carol above then you know that Rudolph is one of Santa’s reindeer. He had a big red shiny nose so his friends made fun of him, which made him unhappy, POOR RUDOLPH.
If someone had asked him what was wrong he would say ‘I am unhappy, because the others are being mean to me.’
Many times, in describing or solving a problem we focus on what comes after because and not before it.
E.g. we sometimes say,
‘I am not doing well because my boss is not motivating me.’
‘I am not doing well because my boss does not appreciate me.’
‘I am so hurt, because people always leave me out of things.’
The most important part of those statements is what comes before ‘because’; that is where you are affected and that is also where you have power to cause change.
What you are saying is: I am not happy, I am not doing well, I am so hurt. So if all these are true, here is my question to you…
What are you going to do about it? The things that come after the ‘because’ are not your only source. You can take responsibility for changing your situation by giving yourself permission to be who you want to be in spite of your limitations.
Rudolph had many options to solve his problem of feeling unhappy and unwanted. If he did not realize this, he would have sat blaming God for giving him a big red nose, insulting his friends for being so insensitive and so on, and after all that he would still remain ‘unhappy’. Luckily for Rudolph, Santa helped him out by asking him to use his nose as a guiding light for his sleigh.
This made those same reindeer who had looked down on him to wish they could be more like him. Here is the rest of the carol:
‘Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say,
Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?
Then all the other reindeer loved him
And they shouted out with glee
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
You’ll go down in history.’
My advice to you is this:
Where you cannot necessarily change the behavior of others… Change yourself.
If the obvious solution to your problem is not working out... Find another.
No one invited you to join their team… Start yours.
Your boss does not motivate you… Motivate yourself.
Your environment is sucking the life out of you… Change it.
Your teachers did not teach you… Teach yourself.
You are the architect of your own destiny, the number one beneficiary of your success and the number one victim if you fail.
If your circumstances and those around you are not helping you to be your best self…